Dr. Daniel Fisher: Healing & Recovery Are Real
We who have recovered from mental illness know from our personal experience that recovery is real. We know that recovery is more than remission with a brooding disease hidden in our hearts. We have experienced healing and we are whole where we were broken. Yet we are frequently confronted by unconvinced professionals who ask, "How can you have recovered from such a hopeless situation?" When we present them with our testimonies they say that we are exceptions. They call us pseudoconsumers. They say that our experience does not relate to that of their seriously, biologically ill, inpatients.
I recently re-experienced this negative attitude about recovery. A friend of mine, during a discussion in a psychology class, said she knew someone who had schizophrenia, recovered and became a psychiatrist. "He must have been misdiagnosed," was the professor's response. So my friend reviewed my earlier symptoms with me. I met the DSM IV criteria for schizophrenia in the interval from 1969-74. When she presented my history to her professor, he reversed his position and said that the diagnosis of schizophrenia must have been correct. He doubted I had recovered and said, "we now have a case of an impaired physician."
By having earned board certification in psychiatry, having worked as medical director of a community mental health center for 11 years and having directed the National Empowerment Center for 3 years I have proven that I am not an impaired physician. This episode reveals the depth of negative expectations which are taught to students. After all, mental illness is considered a terminal condition for which there is no cure. Therefore anyone who appears to have recovered must not have been sick. [*] This leaves no one with first hand experience of what helps and what hurts to speak for those who currently cannot speak due to their distress.
This example illustrates the dilemma many of us face who have recovered from mental illness. It would be easier in the short-run to forget and not tell others of our experiences. But for many of us the benefits of telling outweigh the risks. For in the telling we open wider options for peer support, we continue our healing and we help reduce the stigma of others. Yet to have our story discounted after we risked our social position, jobs, and insurance by giving testimony is an affront to our integrity.
Source: Healing and Recovery Are Real
James's Personal Story
Living
with Manic Depression: -
'The light at the end of the tunnel is not necessarily
an oncoming train!'
One of the strangest aspects of a manic depressive illness is that when you're feeling at your best, most productive, most generous, most alive and most active is exactly the same time as your GP and consultant say that you need extra medication and a stay in hospital until you feel better!
I once read that 'inspired' is when you think you can do anything - 'manic' is when you know you can.
There is, of course, the flip-side of the coin - times when depression takes hold and these are times you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy.
I guess I've been fortunate. The times of mania and depression have been far outweighed by long periods of 'normality' and with the help of many friends, family and health professionals, I've managed to stay in gainful employment and led a fulfilling life, so far.
It all started when I was an Officer cadet at Sandhurst and as a fairly insecure eighteen year old, I guess the psychological strain of the intensive training was going to affect me more than most.
Needless to say, my bizarre behaviour led to a rather unceremonious discharge and within 36 hours I was being chased around the wards of North Devon District Hospital before finally succumbing to an intravenous sedative, the beginning of a living nightmare of panic, fear and frustration, whilst my mind's reasoning capacity was stretched to its limits.
The mental gymnastics involved me trying to find out who I was, why I was here - all the 'deep' questions usually discussed late at night by students after several pints of lager and a pack or two of Malboro' Lights.
Nothing in my previous nineteen years had prepared me for this and I struggled both physically and mentally to make sense of what was a crazy situation.
A massive war between good and evil was being fought between my ears and having been taught that 'The Good Book' was a source of inspiration for many, I turned to it often, sometimes pounding my head with my copy whilst praying fervently as if my very life depended on it.
My collection of music was also a great source of comfort in my distressed state and though I never heard 'voices', I often felt a song or a passage on the radio was chosen for me to listen to and everything took on a special relevance.
Prior to my admission to hospital I was a struggling Christian and at many times I felt my situation was a test of faith. There were times when I could have given up and if it meant the crisis in my mind would stop, I'd have gladly done so.
However, giving up was anything but an easy option and anyway, amongst the times of desperation there were also glimpses of a world that was so beautiful and full of love that I often broke down and cried with joy.
Eventually I was well enough to try a spell at university although I soon realised I had seriously overestimated my ability to return to full-time education and within a term I returned home - I now had two failed careers behind me and I was only twenty.
For the next two summers I worked as a hotel day porter - glad of the money and relieved to be off the living room sofa that had been 'home' for what seemed like an eternity.
A year later I was working for Mole Valley Farmers where I was to stay for eleven years meeting Lesley, my wife, in the process.
Lesley has been a very important factor in my keeping well and as many carers will appreciate, sometimes what she goes through is a great deal worse than that which I am suffering.
During my time at Mole Valley I joined the Fire & Rescue Service as a retained fireman and spent eight wonderful years on call being fortunate enough to have been in situations where, as a team, our actions have genuinely saved lives. Indeed, I did face obstacles in becoming a fireman with my medical history and diagnosis but persistence paid off and they turned out to be very understanding employers.
I firmly believe that anybody, be they schizophrenic, manic depressive or whatever, can offer a huge amount to an employer. After all, we've come face to face with ourselves, overcome adversity through sheer strength of character and very often have great insight, especially with regards to art and music.
I currently work as an insurance consultant and joined WAND as a trustee early last year. It has always been a wish of mine to be able to give something back to the system that has helped regain my life.
I'll finish by saying that I believe those who are affected in one way or another by mental illness issues are very valuable members of society because of their ability to see beyond the materialistic values of the majority. Some of the warmest and kindest people I've ever met were those who lent a sympathetic and understanding ear when my personal world was turned upside down.
James Wooldridge
Out of Reason - WAND Newsletter
Winter 2001 ------------------------------------------------------
This
story and other Recovery stories can be found at
http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk
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